Category: Personal

Have You Ever Had?

Have you ever had a song that desribes you perfectly? You end up listening to it repeatedly – or what seems repeatedly. Yeah repeatedly as the people around you know it and they aren’t fond of that music…

Well I have found one such song. It’s recently released. I only listened to it as it was a Jonathan Davis song. I love all things Jonathan Davis/KoRN. This song seems to get me. I have no other explanation for the feeling I get when I hear it. The first few times I heard it I nearly cried.

I normally don’t post videos on my site or anyhting of the sort. I felt I needed to because a link to the video just wouldn’t cut it.

The link to the YouTube video page is


I’m waiting. Waiting for what? For the previous registrar of my domain to release it to the new registrar. I would like to get things going on the new host. I somehow feel it will be a bit stressful. I have downloaded the XML file so I can upload my site right away. But waiting for the domain to transfer is all that is holding me back.

Anyhow. A few days ago Blizzard released the alpha release for Word of Warcraft Battle For Azeroth (BfA) expansion pack. It has me really worried I won’t get Loremaster done. Nor will I get a warrior to 110. The other night Grace suggested I put a list on my site of what I want to get done before BfA drops. I thought it a good idea. I have no idea how I am going to display the list or where on my site. I’m going to start a list here in this post so I can look back on it.

  • Get a warrior to 110.
  • Get Netherstorm & Icecrown zones done for Loremaster achievement.
  • Get the Rogue class hall & mount done.
  • Get the warrior class hall & mount done.
  • Get first aid to 800 on my draenie hunter Ásta.
  • Get the mining, blacksmithing, jewelcrafting, & inscription professions to 800 on various toons.
  • Finish getting the leather set for 25man (I think heroic) Ulduar raid.
  • Work on Netherwing reputation on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Farm Sha’tari Skygaurd reputation on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Get to exalted with the Nightborne on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Farm claws for the mount in Tanaan Jungle on my dk Grëtchën.

There is a theme with reputation and my dk Grëtchën. She is what I call my ‘rep whore’. She is my ‘main’ and has 43 exalted reputations. Getting exalted with some reputations takes a lot of work and time. I’ve decided she will be the one I work on rep first for each expansion starting in BfA. I was alliance until a few months ago for the Legion expansion and I regretted it completely when I started playing Grëtchën again. It felt wrong not to have the expansions factions not exalted on her.

On a personal note I am a bit stressed. For those that do not know I am on SSI. I got a letter saying I have a phone appointment. I am worried they will think I am well enough to work. I’m not though. I can barely move some days. I just sit here at my desk or lay down on my bed because no matter what I am in so much pain. I can’t sleep because of it so I stay on the pc & try to do something productive. It’s why I have so many level capped toons on WoW. My hands have hurt a lot this winter which is really unusual for me as well. I hope they decide I’m still eligble for SSI. There is no way I can work when I can hardly use my hands or move for that matter. I ignore the pain as much as I can and it makes my numb to everything else. I literally do not feel anything emotionally as a by-product of ignoring my pain. If I even let myself feel I would be a crying mess all the time. I know one day I won’t be able to keep going like this. I am holding out for at least 2 more years before I let things come to the surface. There are a few reasons for that I just dont have the energy to explain. I do know I need to get a power of attorney stuff done before I let it all go. The men children will be the ones responsible for me and it’s not their business nor is it their responsibility. I plan on making my mom my power of attorney. I don’t know how fair that is to her but she knows more about what to do & whats going on with me besdies Heather & Grace. And she lives 10 minutes away. As of right now I am still on pain management. My rheumatologist will not let me have Orencia until I get a shingles vaccine. I am not old enough for one. We are at a stalemate of sorts. if I live until I am 50 I guess I will be able to have orencia then. That is 13 years away though. I personally hope I don’t live that long. I am so tired of the pain. Just tired in general. This life has been shit and I just want to rest.

This turned rather depressing. It’s how I am when I talk about the pain & my illnesses. I’ll leave here with a reminder that the Mish Mash KCAL Hev & I are hosting starts next week! I hope to see some join!

Moving Things Around

I have been thinking for a few weeks of removing my blog – Ramblings of An Introvert. I found I don’t blog much. There is no reason to have a special section for a blog I hardly blog in. I also want to start reviewing books I read. I lost faith in books and the worlds they provided after the HUGE let down from the Sookie Stackhouse (SVM) books. I know what a series to loose faith in books over. For some reason I just loved the Eric Northman character. Even when they made True Blood he was pretty much the only reason I watched True Blood. The good that came out of the huge let down on the book series AND the television show was I found a thing called fanfiction. I found a place to read what should have happened in True Blood & SVM as well as other shows and book series. Yes that book series helped me deal with the stress of how sick Jeremy was when he almost lost his leg. However had I known it was going to put me off books I would have stopped at book 10 and not read the last books. I will NEVER read another Charlaine Harris book.

What I am saying is I am putting my blog posts here on the main site because I want to start reviewing books. I need to find a good GoodReads plugin so I can post it there originally and it post here to the site. It will all come together. Soon.

An Actual Post With Personal Stuffs

This blog isn’t just a feed from my Instagram. No sir! Sometimes I write things too! Not that anyone reads this but that is fine. it’s here for me & not to clog up my pattern site, etc.

Anyhow. I got to thinking about my friends – or rather lack there of. I have a few friends – 2 that I talk to almost daily that I talk to outside of WoW. Then there are a few in WoW I talk to whenever they are on. Some more then others. We associate on Facebook because that is where the guild talks at when not in game. I have absolutely no friends in what you might consider IRL – in real life – meaning that I physically talk to when I see them. This doesn’t bother me at the slightest because it requires me to be around a person and I just can’t do that. There are only a few people I can handle seeing physically and that is because I have either known them all my life or most of my life or they are the significant other of the people I see physically. I much prefer an online friendship over a physical one. However I am picky about who I befriend online as well. They need to understand I might not talk for days and be ok with that. Even online it can by hard for me to talk to a person. The 2 people I talk to online almost daily understand that and expect the same out of me. We just ask each other to let each other know on twitter whats up so we don’t worry about each other. Well more then we normally would because one of our issues is anxiety and worrying about a person not talking to us for a few days when they talk every day only makes that worse.

But I’d like to have a few people around that I don’t mind occasionally talking to. In Wow or online through blog comments, etc. Not twitter or facebook.

I’m an introvert and PROUD that I am one.