Category: Health

I Wasn’t A Lazy Child

I remember being called lazy after I was 7 years old. Before I never heard that word except to know what it meant. It was never used to describe me. 2 things happened around the time I turned 7. We moved from San Diego County to Riverside County. My Mom met her ex who I called step dad for about 20 years. I don’t remember being called lazy at the place we first lived in when we moved counties. Not until my Moms ex moved in. For some reason he thought I was being lazy. I don’t remember being lazy. My mind was going a mile a minute & I was always made to go outside to play because we finally had a yard & kids need to experience that sort of stuff (which I agree with). Until I moved out he always called me lazy. Maybe not using the word lazy but synonyms & examples on how I was being lazy where quietly made by him. I found out 10 years ago I wasn’t a lazy child. I did things no child should have to do. I survived the attempted murder of the sun.

10 years ago I found out I had Lupus. I had a horrible doctor who thought everything could be cured by loosing weight. I got to researching Lupus and decided I should have a blood test done for it. I took in a check list of Lupus symptoms and he finally realized I wasn’t just wanting attention or whatever he thought of me – that I had actually looked into the possibility I had Lupus. Now before you get going I know there is no definite test for Lupus and the blood tests they do aren’t always showing what they are looking for to say you have Lupus. However luck was with me. He ran a blood sedimentaion test (I think that is what it is called) and it was high. I was told it was a possibility I had Lupus and I needed to see a Rheumatologist. I found out that the doctor that was with the doctor I was seeing made her own practice and I moved to her office before I could see the rheumatologist. She was leary about going forward with what the old doctor wanted to do but she did because I had done my research and had proof something was going on that shouldn’t be going on. Low and behold I start seeing the rheumatologist. I took him 8 years to finally add on Lupus to my list of things wrong with me that he could treat. My doctor didn’t understand why the rheumatologist never said I had Lupus when it was obvious even to a random person who knew what Lupus was I had it.

Knowing what I know about Lupus and what is called flares I realize I was not a lazy child. I just had the symptom of photo-sensitivity. 2/3 of people with Lupus will have a sensitivity to sun and UV rays. Yes I know sun & UV rays are basically the same thing. You have to look at it differently as some light bulbs produce UV rays. This sensitivity is called Photo-sensitivity. has a great article about Lupus & photo-sensitivity here: There are days even now that even when i go in the shade I sneeze, get a rash, etc – those are really bad days however. More often then not when I go outside I can last about an hour before I start feeling like I’m on fire, my arms get red, my nose starts running, I feel like I’m in an oven (yes I know Southern Cali is hot but not oven hot), and I just feel like I’m running out of energy. I have been tested for a sun allergy and I do not have one so that leaves Lupus. What I am trying to get at is can you imagine as a child how that felt? Of course people would think you are lazy. It is instincts to not be around things that hurt you to that degree.

I tried everything not to go outside or where there was a lot of light when I was a kid. For some reason puberty seemed to stop this for a bit. I only got ‘seasonal allergies’ every time the weather changed so the sun was out more then it normally was (spring & Summer). That was only 12-15 I was like that. Then something happened in my body when I was 15 I guess as I would have a reaction to the sun so bad I slept for days after being out in it all day. I found Nyquil helped a lot with this issue so I always had some. Instead of sleeping for days I would sleep 4-8 hours. This was also before they changed the way Nyquil is made – now it doesn’t do anything for me. To this day if I am in the sun too long (more then a few hours) I will be sick for days after & I will need to pop Benadryl like they are candy. Some days are worse then others. Some days I can be OK with being out a few hours and muster up the energy to stay awake until around 6 p.m. On the bad days I can’t be out more then 30 mins before the symptoms start. The longer I stay out on those days the sooner I fall asleep. I usually end up with my eyes watering so bad people think I am crying, my nose drains so bad, and I can’t really stop coughing. I also end up with welts and a rash that won’t go away for a few days. This is how my childhood was and no one knew what to do but call me lazy. My Mom would take me to doctors but kids where too young to have those sorts of illnesses – whatever they may be.

I ended up having the flu on a weekly basis it seemed. I would always have a really bad case of the ‘flu’ during spring – the time the sun decided to be around more. I had a lot more energy in fall & winter. This still is true – whatever energy I normally have there is a boost to it on days it rains or is cloudy because, well, the sun isn’t really out and the UV rays aren’t so bad. I try to do things I normally put off on those days. There are cloudy days that make me have a really bad reaction to the sun. It is when it rains and the sun is out or when the sun is out right after it rains. I’m thinking the water magnifies the UV rays.

This has been a long post about me rambling about my photo-sensitivity and how it made people think I was a lazy child (and adult – lets face it they thought that too & still do). I want to leave you a link to a Lupus symptom check list If you think you have Lupus please go to and research. There are many other sites about Lupus I also suggest researching those sites. There is all sorts of information about Lupus. I always tell people it is my immune system trying to kill me – which it is in the basics of it all.

I know when I started my research I was scared to admit I had somethings on the symptom checklist. It meant that I was weak. It meant I might be crazy and just pretending I had these things. What I feared most was it meant nothing. It is what gave my doctors the push to even begin thinking I possibly could have Lupus. Over the past 10 years I have developed some of the things on the checklist. I will show you what I have on the check list – in hopes that you will be brave enough to fight for a diagnosis – even if it isn’t Lupus.

Lupus Symptom Checklist

Area Effected Symptom Do You Have This?
HEART chest pain
HEART Difficulty breathing
HEART Rapid and/or irregular heartbeat
LUNG Pain in the chest when deep breathing
EYE Dry eyes
EYE Eye redness
EYE ome loss of vision
BLOOD Bleeding and/or bruising easily
BLOOD Infections
MUSCLES Muscles weakness
MUSCLES & BONES Stiffness in joints
MUSCLES Aching muscles
SKIN Skin rashes
SKIN Sensitivity to sun or light
SKIN Mouth or nose sores
SKIN Hair loss
BRAIN Seizures
BRAIN Headache and/or dizziness
BRAIN Memory problems or confusion
BRAIN Sad thoughts
BRAIN Weakness/numbness on one side
KIDNEY Swelling of legs and/or feet
KIDNEY Frothy and/or bloody urine
GENERAL Weght change
GENERAL Poor appetite

Lupus Symptom Checklist:


I’m waiting. Waiting for what? For the previous registrar of my domain to release it to the new registrar. I would like to get things going on the new host. I somehow feel it will be a bit stressful. I have downloaded the XML file so I can upload my site right away. But waiting for the domain to transfer is all that is holding me back.

Anyhow. A few days ago Blizzard released the alpha release for Word of Warcraft Battle For Azeroth (BfA) expansion pack. It has me really worried I won’t get Loremaster done. Nor will I get a warrior to 110. The other night Grace suggested I put a list on my site of what I want to get done before BfA drops. I thought it a good idea. I have no idea how I am going to display the list or where on my site. I’m going to start a list here in this post so I can look back on it.

  • Get a warrior to 110.
  • Get Netherstorm & Icecrown zones done for Loremaster achievement.
  • Get the Rogue class hall & mount done.
  • Get the warrior class hall & mount done.
  • Get first aid to 800 on my draenie hunter Ásta.
  • Get the mining, blacksmithing, jewelcrafting, & inscription professions to 800 on various toons.
  • Finish getting the leather set for 25man (I think heroic) Ulduar raid.
  • Work on Netherwing reputation on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Farm Sha’tari Skygaurd reputation on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Get to exalted with the Nightborne on my dk Grëtchën.
  • Farm claws for the mount in Tanaan Jungle on my dk Grëtchën.

There is a theme with reputation and my dk Grëtchën. She is what I call my ‘rep whore’. She is my ‘main’ and has 43 exalted reputations. Getting exalted with some reputations takes a lot of work and time. I’ve decided she will be the one I work on rep first for each expansion starting in BfA. I was alliance until a few months ago for the Legion expansion and I regretted it completely when I started playing Grëtchën again. It felt wrong not to have the expansions factions not exalted on her.

On a personal note I am a bit stressed. For those that do not know I am on SSI. I got a letter saying I have a phone appointment. I am worried they will think I am well enough to work. I’m not though. I can barely move some days. I just sit here at my desk or lay down on my bed because no matter what I am in so much pain. I can’t sleep because of it so I stay on the pc & try to do something productive. It’s why I have so many level capped toons on WoW. My hands have hurt a lot this winter which is really unusual for me as well. I hope they decide I’m still eligble for SSI. There is no way I can work when I can hardly use my hands or move for that matter. I ignore the pain as much as I can and it makes my numb to everything else. I literally do not feel anything emotionally as a by-product of ignoring my pain. If I even let myself feel I would be a crying mess all the time. I know one day I won’t be able to keep going like this. I am holding out for at least 2 more years before I let things come to the surface. There are a few reasons for that I just dont have the energy to explain. I do know I need to get a power of attorney stuff done before I let it all go. The men children will be the ones responsible for me and it’s not their business nor is it their responsibility. I plan on making my mom my power of attorney. I don’t know how fair that is to her but she knows more about what to do & whats going on with me besdies Heather & Grace. And she lives 10 minutes away. As of right now I am still on pain management. My rheumatologist will not let me have Orencia until I get a shingles vaccine. I am not old enough for one. We are at a stalemate of sorts. if I live until I am 50 I guess I will be able to have orencia then. That is 13 years away though. I personally hope I don’t live that long. I am so tired of the pain. Just tired in general. This life has been shit and I just want to rest.

This turned rather depressing. It’s how I am when I talk about the pain & my illnesses. I’ll leave here with a reminder that the Mish Mash KCAL Hev & I are hosting starts next week! I hope to see some join!

Rheumatoid Arthritis And Just Plain Old Arthritis

At 37 you would think a person is too young to have arthritis.  If I didn’t have Lupus, RA, etc I would agree with you.  In November I posted about being diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.   I don’t think I mentioned this but the neurologist thought CTS was a ‘side effect’ of rheumatoid arthritis and/or plain old arthritis.  I told him I had an appointment to get a sonogram of my hands to see whats going on with them.  In December 2018 I got the sonogram done and got the results.  It required a visit to see the rheumatologist.  I knew they found something as he never sees me just to discuss results that produce nothing.  He told me I had the beginning of rheumatoid arthritis and arthritis – just plain old arthritis you would expect to see in and senior person.  This also brought news there was a medicine for me to try.  I was no longer just on pain management.  Orencia is the last medicine for me.  If it doesn’t work with at least my hands then its back to the world of pain management.  The only thing stopping me from getting Orencia is I can’t find any pharmacy willing to give a 37 year old woman the Shingles vaccine for the doctor to administer.  The pharmacies all say I need to be 50 to receive the vaccine.  I’m sure that is going to be a fin fight.  Once I get the vaccine or he lets me go without it I will get to inject myself once a week with Orencia.  Yay for shots.